Cindy Gets Married and The Name Debate

CindyCarrollEThat sigh of relief heard around the world on August 8th was my mother. It was the day I married my best friend. My mother confessed to me years ago that she thought I would never get married because I was so independent. And she was okay with that as long as I was happy. Apparently I even told people at work that I would never get married.

Before we met…

I took a class from Rose’s Colored Glasses about writing 50 books a year. It’s a great class and one of the assignments is to write a back of the book bio. Where did we want to see ourselves in five years? I took the class in 2008. This was my fantasy bio:

Cindy Carroll, New York Times bestselling author of several books exploring the dark side of human nature, divides her time between Cape Breton and Phoenix with the occasional jaunt to Hollywood. This summer she will be working on a series bible and pilot episode for her Ghosts Ties book series which has been optioned for television. Next February you can catch her on the red carpet before she heads into the Oscars, where she has been nominated for best original screenplay for her second feature film, 7 Billion Reasons. No matter where she is, her husband is her rock. She says she couldn’t have created a better hero.

At the time I wrote that bio I had been single for at least eight years. Why the mention of a husband in the bio when I (supposedly) professed my desire to not get married? Because it wasn’t that I didn’t want to get married. At that point in my life I just didn’t see it happening. I’ve always waned the kind of marriage my parents have. They’ve been married for forty-six years and they still flirt with each other and subject us to other public displays of affection that have us yelling, “get a room!”

The wedding

Ceremony picture taken by Nik Rosser
Ceremony picture taken by Nik Rosser

We had more than eighteen months to plan the wedding. At first we talked about having it in our province. I think that lasted all of five seconds. Then we talked about having a destination wedding. While I love tropical beach settings, neither one of us does extreme heat very well. Then talk turned to having it on a cruise ship in November. We’d never been on a cruise and we’d already be on our honeymoon. In the end, to keep the wedding small, we decided on Woodstock, England. It’s a gorgeous town with a long history. We got married and had the reception at the town hall. Planning an overseas wedding is not an easy task. That’s why we couldn’t have done it without my brother-in-law and his partner. They were our connection to England and did all the heavy lifting when it came to organizing things and contacting people. That five hour time difference is a bear.

We had Skype meetings every week to go over the details that still needed to be worked out. It was fun but stressful at the same time. I liked seeing how things were taking shape but not being able to see suppliers face to face or just call them from work was difficult. In the end everything turned out great. My husband (still can’t get used to saying that) 🙂 did the research for most of our suppliers and his choices were excellent. The food, flowers, cake, photographs were all amazing.

Photo taken by Christopher Graefe
Photo taken by Christopher Graefe

There was a lot more we had to think about because we wanted to have the wedding in England and not one of the typical destination places. Of course every experience is an opportunity for a writer so later on this year I’ll be releasing Planning a Destination Wedding: It’s No Vacation. It’s outlined, sort of, and just needs the actual writing filled in.

Still me

A lot of that day is a blur. I just wanted to be married and enjoy the rest of the day with my new husband, family, and friends. But I’m pretty sure the officiant announced us as Mr. and Mrs. Husband’s Name. I didn’t bother to correct her because we all wanted to move on to the next part. The celebration. Of course a frequent question before and after the wedding was about the name change. Would I be changing my last name? And the answer is no, I’m not changing my last name. I posted a question on Facebook before I got married asking if anyone does that anymore and it caused a bit of a stir. There were some very emphatic responses to the question. I’ve known for years that I wouldn’t change my last name. I don’t see a reason for it. In the past I know it was the done thing, not changing it wasn’t even a consideration. Some women don’t associate their last name with their identity.  To some it’s just a name. To me it is my identity. It’s how family and friends know me. It’s how my readers know me. It’s how the writing community knows me. Some men get upset when a woman doesn’t want to change their last name upon marriage. My husband was totally on my side regarding the name change, or no name change.

After our third date we knew we were going to be together forever but I thought the wedding day would never get here. The first month of marriage has been great and I can’t wait for all the anniversaries to come.

Any advice from all you married folks out there on how to keep the marriage happy?

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ReflectionsFinal2A road trip goes wrong for a group of friends trying to help one of them get over a break up. They find an inn where the mirrors are cursed and they realize they don’t know each other as well as they thought they did.

A road trip without a plan sounded like a good idea when Lena and her friends hit the road. A mini vacation and support for Steve, recently dumped, have the friends travelling through small towns and back roads. After hours of driving in the heat in a cramped car they’re all ready for something to eat and a good night’s rest. Reflections Inn looks perfect for the group of friends. A little run down, it hides a supernatural horror.

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13 thoughts on “Cindy Gets Married and The Name Debate

  1. Congratulations. I’m the last one to give advice other than always keep the line of communication open and don’t ever lie to each other. In the meantime, here is to a long and happy life together. Doris


  2. I’m single. I’d be the last person to offer advice on a happy marriage. Heck, even my girlfriend relationships often turn out bizarre, fodder for novels if I can ever get myself to wander beyond the fantasy genre. I do want to sometime tackle a American Civil War novel with romantic undertones. I want to base it on a short story I did a few years ago. By the way, congratulations. I’ve followed your posts on Facebook related to your marriage.


  3. I am so happy for both you and your husband. You were both blessed and highly favoured to have found each other. As for your name debate, I have hyphenated my name, on anything not official so it matches that of my pixies; my DH is common-law. I cannot easily use my own name for my writing so it is a moot point for me but remember you never actually loose your name you simply add his, your birth certificate doesn’t change.
    Love you much


  4. Cindy, this is the advice given by the minister who married us: Ephesians 4:26 NIV
    New International Version
    “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,– We pretty much upheld that. Neither of us stayed mad for very long. After 44 years we still love each as much (more) than we did at first. We embarrass our kids all the time too. Remember that marriage is 70-30 on the giving scale. Sometimes you are the 70 and sometimes he is. Talk often and flirt even more often. Taking walks is a good time to talk. If he’s down, you be up and if you’re down he needs to be up. Don’t wallow in each other’s misery. Is this enough advice or do you want more? LOL Nice photo. England is fascinating to me. Cher’ley


  5. Congratulations!. August 8 is a great day to get married. (I should know, it’s my anniversary too.) The biggest helps for making it last are having a sense of humor, not taking things too seriously and remembering to love.

    Good luck with your new life.


  6. Congratulations from me, too. I’m sure it was very exciting for you getting married in England. My daughter chose to get married in Cuba and 14 of us (family and friends) made it a ‘beach holiday’ around her wedding. It was fantastic and very different.


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