Remember the Corn Maze

Jennifer FlatenThis post by Jennifer Flaten

My mother has a horrible sense of direction. This woman can get lost in a parking garage. I know this, yet one fine fall day I let her lead me and my kids into a corn maze.

In my defense, we had my stepfather along, who has an excellent sense of direction, so I wasn’t worried. Plus, this was a small maze at the local pumpkin farm, certainly not one of the giant mazes that can be seen from space, so I felt confident we could find out way out.

It was a lovely fall day, just warm enough that you didn’t need a coat while enjoying all the wonderful fall fun at the pumpkin farm. We entered the maze laughing, but after wandering around among the corn stalks for 45 minutes it started to get mighty hot and no one was laughing anymore.

After yet another wrong turn, I was dripping sweat and the kids were starting to complain they were thirsty. A pint-sized revolt was brewing. We needed to get out of there ASAP.

I couldn’t believe we couldn’t find our way out. I was starting to get really irritated. I mean, come on this was a maze for children! How could three adults manage to get lost in the maze. I briefly considered letting the kids lead the way.

Forgetting that little kids repeat everything they hear, my step dad jokingly said he hoped we wouldn’t die in the maze. Immediately, one kid burst into tears, and the other two kids started repeatedly asking, “are we going to dIn to the darkness 300ppiie in here?”

Driven to near madness by toddler Greek chorus my step dad said he was going make his own exit. My mom, an award winning rule follower was aghast!! He couldn’t do that, it was breaking the rules; you had to find your way out on via the path.

She was positive we would find the exit any minute now. Grumbling my step dad set off towards the side of the maze. I had my choice follow Captain Bligh or take part in my Stepdad’s mutiny. I chose mutiny.

I followed my step dad as he bulled his way through the cornstalks and led us outside the maze. Finally free of the maze, the kids cheered grandpa. My mom, knowing when to admit defeat and not wanting to spend another minute in the maze of doom followed us out.

To this day if my mom attempts to lead us anywhere we say, “Remember the corn maze” and someone else takes the lead.

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13 Responses to Remember the Corn Maze

  1. ritterames says:

    Love this! I’ve never EVER been able to figure out why corn mazes aren’t required to have “cry uncle” escape hatch holes lined up for those who have simply had enough. But then, I always solved my Rubic’s Cube by peeling off all of the colored squares and replacing them so all the sides match again–guess I’m a rebel from way back, and would have followed your Captain Bligh in a heartbeat 🙂

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  2. Doris says:

    Oh my, I can still hear the voices. I do confess, never done a maze, probably because as a child we only went into the corn fields to pick the corn. Farmers weren’t much fun when I was a child, now…well we won’t talk of age.

    Still I get to enjoy the maize with fun pieces like this. And yea for Captain Bligh! Doris

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  3. What an interesting experience. I’m glad you got out alive. Smile.

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  4. Wranglers says:

    So funny. Jennifer, I would have been leading your step-dad out. I can’t stand to feel staped. Cher’ley

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  5. sstamm625 says:

    Funny post, Jennifer! “Toddler Greek chorus”! I love it!

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  6. katewyland says:

    Cute post. The couple of mazes I’ve encountered were so simple no one could get lost in them. Guess they didn’t want problems. Didn’t anyone else come through?
    Mazes are certainly a big thing around here nowadays,

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  7. I’m still laughing! What an experience your children have to remember. I’ve never been in a corn maze, like Doris, in my day we picked the corn – it wasn’t for fun. I can just see the bunch of you wandering around. I’m not sure I’d follow your mother’s lead anywhere, but I love your rebel father! What a great idea to “break out”. Thanks Jennifer, you made my day!

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  8. Mike Staton says:

    Funny story, Jennifer. I’ve heard of some organizers of mazes that will tactically locate ghouls, zombies and sundry other monsters in various places and jump out to add a scare or two to the experience.

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  9. Nancy Jardine says:

    A fun story, Jennifer. I’d love to experience the maze of cornstlks but not get lost in it. I can believe that some interesting things might just happen around halloween. 😉

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  10. Like our colleagues, I loved this post! Your humor in the midst of family chaos is a lift to our spirits and though I can relate to the irritation, the lightness you bring to the story is great fun! Thanks for sharing!!

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  11. S. J. Brown says:

    I am one of those people that has no sense of direction. The GPS and mapquest are my best friends when I am on the road alone. On long trips my hubby leads the way , always. I have been through a corn maze with my family and no I didn’t lead. It was a fun way to spend an hour before enjoying the rest of the farm.

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  12. erinfarwell says:

    The only time we successfully navigated a corn maze on our first attempt was when we let Willow, then aged 9, lead the way. Don’t know what it says about Mike and I but she was very proud of herself and it was well worth it. Love the post.

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