I Want Minions by Erin Farwell

IMG_3021_1Long before the Despicable Me movies were created, when people asked me what I wanted for birthday and Christmas gifts I told them minions. No, I don’t want to take over the world, just manage my corner of it a little better. If I had minions, they would do my bidding and wash clothes, do dishes, vacuum the house, dust, clean the bathrooms (my husband would be particularly excited about this), grocery shop, plan meals for the week, and cook them as well. They could wait on hold for 45 minutes until the person I need to speak to finally comes on the line, or do any other task I assign them.Image result for minions

Do not fear, though, for I would be a kind and benevolent minion overlord. They would have soft beds, play time, and chocolate pudding for breakfast. All I’d ask in return is the completion of a few chores each day. I think this would be an excellent trade off.

While the minions went about their business I would be able to do the things I love such as spend time with family and friends, write, create metal clay pieces, spend more time outdoors, and just lie on the couch and not feel guilty because of all the to-dos I’m ignoring. My second book would be finished and the third on its way. The short stories that roam through my brain would be committed to paper and submitted for possible publication. House-Cleaning

The world of minions would be a marvelous place, but alas the real world intrudes. I must budget my time and decide how I will spend my precious hours each day. Right now freelance writing, also known as extra income, takes the lead role. Close on its heels is feeding my family and keeping their clothes clean. Then there is teaching classes or camps, running errands, and generally dealing with the bits of life that don’t really fit in a schedule. Writing my book comes next and I am excited that I squeezed in a whole day and a half of that last week. Lastly, the vacuuming, sweeping, dusting, and bathroom cleaning – unless we have company arriving or I just can’t stand it anymore, in which case it moves up the list.

Until I have minions, I muddle through as best I can and my family accepts my limitations. Success is vacuuming a minimum of once a month and at least thinking about dusting. Sweeping the kitchen floor two days in a row is an accomplishment but it doesn’t get washed until people or cats become stuck to it.

If you ever plan to visit me, know that you are welcome, but please call first so I can clean the bathrooms.

Learn more about me at:

Erin Farwell

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23 Responses to I Want Minions by Erin Farwell

  1. Now I want some minions of my own! Great post Erin. I think you’ve hit the nail on the head for all of us. Do what’s important first and don’t worry about the small stuff. As a perfectionist I lost many hours with my children that I can’t give them back. The house had to be clean first. It took a lot of years but you should see me now! I can relax with the best of them. Of course, it took two concussions and my Bipolar disorder to help speed things along, but I can happily leave housework and work on my writing, art journaling, sewing or anything else I want to do. It also helps that due to my back disability we hired a woman to come in every week to sweep and mop and clean the bathroom. The rest we manage. I guess you could call her “My Favorite Minion”, but first of all, she’s my friend!

    Liked by 1 person

    • erinfarwell says:

      Thanks, Linda. Sometimes its hard to know what “must” be done versus what “would be nice if it gets done” kind of stuff. Some day I hope to have a favorite minion of my own but until then we get by. Thanks for your support!

      Like

  2. Reblogged this on L.LEANDER BOOKS and commented:
    I thought I’d share this post by fellow Author Erin Farwell. What exactly are minions? Read her post and find out. On Writing Wranglers and Warriors.

    Like

  3. Joe Stephens says:

    Oompaloompas are what you are actually looking for, I would say. Minions seek out evil leaders. I’m sure you’re not that.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Doris says:

    Ah…minions, we all need them and yet we struggle without them. What a wonderfully human post. I think we all fall into the “I need minions” trap, but instead we follow our hearts and do what we can. I so related to this post. Thanks! Doris

    Like

  5. Gayle Irwin says:

    Like Doris, I, too, can very much relate to your post, Erin! My housekeeping duties fall WAY SHORT of good, let alone perfect, and even my book writing plans get sidetracked. I’ve wanted to develop a more in-depth (ie, better paying) freelance career, but that, too, hasn’t happened, but I keep trying. I do have regular “gigs” that I do and I’m happy about that, and the school speaking engagements picked up this spring, which is nice. But, now summer is on the horizon so I’ll be sending more magazine queries, and hopefully getting back to those book manuscripts … but probably not the housekeeping! LOL

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  6. S. J. Brown says:

    I am right there with you. The dishes and laundry get done around here. The rest gets done when it gets done. My guests have been told that if the house isn’t clean enough for them they are welcome to clean up. Yes I have had friends do the dishes and one over night guest even did laundry.

    Long ago I decided I had to set my priorities. If there are dust bunnies under the bookcase, they can wait until after I go out to take pictures or write. I do have to admit I have a minion that takes care of things and cleans up when I am out of town. But she swears she wants me to leave her things to do when she house sits and hangs out with the dog.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. erinfarwell says:

    Ah, S.J. I like your style! Thanks for the comments.

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  8. If I had minions when Bill was alive, they could have taken care of him, and I could have gotten more writing done.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. sstamm625 says:

    Great post, Erin! I want minions too. I am considering hiring someone to do some cleaning once a month, but it seems so decadent. I haven’t gotten any further than thinking about it. BTW, I love the line about not washing the floors until people or the cats stick to them. I can see a meowing kitty trying to unstick its little paws. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • erinfarwell says:

      When I worked pretty much full time in Birmingham, AL and only came home on the weekends, I hired a maid and while my family was scandalized that I had done so, it was the only way to make things work. I wish we could afford one now and personally, I’d say go for it. If nothing else, it might free up some more writing time. And I’m glad you liked the “stuck” line. My personal favorite is about serving the minions chocolate pudding for breakfast. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Mike Staton says:

    Made me think of the Saturday morning cartoon “Pinky & The Brain.” What are we going to do today. Take over the world!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Neva Bodin says:

    A post everyone can relate to! Enjoyed the read Erin and dreaming about minions with you.

    Like

  12. Nancy Jardine says:

    I used to have a domestic cleaning routine about once a week, which gradually went ot once a fortnight wehn it was only my husband and I in the house (kitchen excluded since he’s the cook but not th ebottlewahser!). This last year with daughter, S-I-L and 2 kids the routine has gone to pot…and not a clean one. I vaccum then ask my daughter a week later if she cleaned the bathrooms. It’s then that we realise what each of us is NOT doing yet we remain relatively healthy! Minions sound just far too excellent or even ooomphaloompas!

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  13. Wranglers says:

    Erin, you are so funny. I too wish I had Minions. We just bought our G-Grandson one of the stuffed ones. Don’t worry about the mundane chores. Just enjoy your family and your writing. Cher’ley

    Like

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