By Stephanie Stamm
At work yesterday, one of my colleagues called me “a little bit of a control freak.” She prefaced her statement by saying it might sound like an insult, but she didn’t mean it that way. I didn’t take it that way. I held the thumb and forefinger of my right hand about an inch apart.
“Just a little bit,” I said.
We both knew that was an understatement.
Did I mention that a central part of my job is Document Control? Yeah, that’s no accident.
My colleague’s comment was prompted by my admission to having some anxiety about the project we are beginning to implement next week. I know it will all ultimately work out fine. Sure, there will be hiccups, as there are with any major project, but we’ll work through them. And the entire team has worked hard to ensure that the new system will function much better than the one from which we are upgrading. But, as my colleague rightly pointed out, because I’m something of a control freak, I feel anxious, because I can’t control all the moving parts. I’ve done my best to organize all the data I can, to talk to all the affected people, to ask tons of questions to make sure we all have all the information we need to make the decisions we need to make. And I do trust the team. We’ve assembled a great group of people to get the job done.
But I’m still anxious.
This project sometimes feels like an octopus with way more than eight tentacles. And I’m afraid some unexpected tentacle will tangle us up or sweep our feet out from under us.
Well, that sounds a bit extreme. Hiccups, yes. Flying octopus tentacles, probably not.
But you know what I mean, right? My mature mind knows all will be well. My reptile brain wants every possible i dotted and t crossed. And it knows there are more i’s and t’s than it can count in 40,000 or so documents.
Just a little bit of a control freak. Yeah…
It’s hard to let go and surrender.
But surrender I will.
Because I do trust the team.
And because I don’t want to dream about menacing computer screens or alphabet-flinging octopi. 🙂
Any other control freaks out there? What gets your reptile brain cranked?
Both images from Wikimedia Commons (https://commons.wikimedia.org), Public Domain.
###
Connect with me:
Website | Facebook | Twitter | Goodreads
I am the author of the New Adult/Young Adult urban fantasy series, The Light-Bringer:
I have also contributed stories (one fictional and one true) to the following volumes:
Writing Wranglers and Warriors 
The only way I even come close to being a control freak is when I’m in a car. I’m not a vocal backseat driver and I can even comfortably ride with another driver, but I have this idea that if I fall asleep the car will crash. So I’ve never been able to sleep in a car. I have no experience on which to base this weird belief. I didn’t experience a crash while sleeping in a car. I just can’t sleep.
LikeLiked by 3 people
I am the same way. I might close my eyes, but I never fall asleep. However if anyone can figure this one out I would appreciate an answer. I can and do fall asleep while flying. Go figure. :o)
LikeLike
Guess there’s less traffic. Cher’ley
LikeLike
Just think if you were a team truck driver. Del has a hard time sleeping when the truck is moving. Cher’ley
LikeLike
How interesting, Joe! I, on the other hand, have little trouble sleeping in a car, as much as I like to control other things. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Completely a control freak. My saving grace, I don’t have jobs where it comes out too often. (By choice I might add). Through the years I’ve calmed down some about it, but…I empathized with you completely. Hang in there and tell that reptile brain it will be okay. It won’t believe it, but….
Enjoyed and related to this post way to much. Doris
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks, Doris! I’ve gotten better over the years too–or at least more conscious of the fact that I’m being controlling. Now that I recognize it, I can relax a bit more.
LikeLike
I’m more of a semi-perfectionist. I have a certain way I do things and I want every one to do it that way. Well maybe a control freak if they don’t do it my way. Just a little, I will give in. As I get older, I let things go more often. Sounds like you have a great crew. Just say, ” I’m not a control freak, I just take pride in my job.”Cher’ley
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yeah, sounds like you’re a bit of one too, Cher’ley. 😉 I do have a good crew, and I like your mantra.
LikeLike
I like being in charge and don’t generally trust other people to get the work done. I’d like to but in my younger years, got disappointed to many times. So, now I just say, “I’ll do it myself!” Guess that’s the control freak in me! LOL 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yeah, sometimes it’s hard to delegate. I’ve gotten better about it in some ways, but in others, not so much.
LikeLike
I think we’re all control freaks at one time or another. Interesting post.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Abbie!
LikeLiked by 1 person
There are so many situations in our lives making us “control freaks.” Unhappy childhoods can do so, becoming a mother, becoming a nurse, maybe a school teacher–all situations where our control just might make things better and situations where we HAVE to be in control much of the time! Or so I usually think. And of course I became a mother and nurse and voila, I’m a control freak. It’s a hard thing to recognize and break too. So good for you for understanding and looking at this humorously in yourself. You sound like a great manager.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Neva! I’ve learned it’s much better to laugh at myself. It helps me relax and let go a bit.
LikeLike
Wonderful post, Stephanie, that really hit home with me. Yes, I’m probably one of the worst control freaks. About some things, not everything. It’s a good thing I have several different jobs where either I’m my own boss or I work autonomously. I try to remind myself that the worst almost never happens but I still can’t help being anxious. It’s a constant struggle for me not to freak out when I’m extremely busy. I just try to manage one task at a time and focus on my lists. Listing things really helps me not get overwhelmed.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I try to focus on one task at a time to keep from freaking out too, Sarah. That really does help a lot–to keep the panic at bay. Lists help too.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Control freak? Maybe a little bit. I don’t like turning over my fate to others, although I know I do it everyday. The cars around me as I drive… they can wreck my car and injure me. The plane I board… my life is in the hands of the pilots and the mechanics looking after the aircraft. Once, family drove up to Columbus, Ohio, in snow so I could return to my home in Central Florida. The snow got heavier and heavier, and the flight kept getting delayed. It drove me nuts not having control over getting back to my home.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That is one of the things that makes travel by plane, etc., difficult–not being in control of the schedule. I like to not drive everywhere, but I like the control of driving myself. Good points about how we put our fates in others’ hands every day.
LikeLike
I tend to go back and forth on the control issue. Sometimes I want to control every little thing and other times I let go. With all the hurrah around our move and will we or will we not get our new house, I just threw up my hands and let go. It all turned out eventually. We will spend our first night in the new place tonight.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Congratulations on getting moved in, Kate! Sometimes things just don’t happen on the schedule we had planned. We just have to adapt and allow it all to unfold.
LikeLike
I’m not really much of a control freak, I tend to let other fret about things. Computers can send me over the edge from time to time. But it’s all good as along as there is a little smooth surface between the bumps in the road.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Some smooth surface between the bumps in the road may be the best we can hope for. And all smooth would probably get boring, right? 🙂
LikeLike
“Any other control freaks out there?”!!! How about this: the plural of octopus should actually be “octopodes,” since it’s really a Greek word, not Latin (and they taste really good, too, but that’s another story). Does THAT qualify? My reptile brain seems to get cranked almost entirely about things that do. not. matter. Even a tiny little bit.
Now gimme the keys, you wack-job.
LikeLike