“Poetry is my friend, it defines who I am. Creator made me to be all that I am to become.”- Author, Poet, Filmmaker Darrah J. Perez
The most amazing experience happened to me today. I was taking a shower with deep thoughts on my mind. Thinking about if I was ready to change my last name to Perez on my driver’s license. I was thinking about all the things I had been through in he and I’s 2 years of marriage. I changed the name on my social security card but was reluctant to do the same for my license. Oh, and let me tell you the pressure I felt every time I went to the bank. “Do you have your new id yet? We need that document.” Or when I filled out my new W-2 form for this year, the same thing, “we need you to fill out this form with the name on your id.” So much pressure, for two years I wasn’t ready. Why were these people trying to rush me? I wanted them to slowly let me adjust.
I needed to know if I was ready—was I ready to be confident in knowing I loved my husband and planned to be married to him for long as I shall live. I thought about the few times I had cheated on him. How many times I told him, “I don’t want this, I don’t like you.” My heart hurt because I had wronged him in our years together. Then I began thinking of my past ex’s, both male and female, and knew that I had been a bad person to them as well. Tears came to my eyes. I wanted forgiveness. I wanted this lifted off my heart, mind, and soul.
I began praying to the Creator of all these things, telling of how truly sorry I was for doing so many wrong things to so many people. With 37 years of life my journey has come far. I have encountered many people along my destiny and I say destiny because:
“When I was in the shower praying for forgiveness and naming each wrong I’ve done and to whom, I had a vision. Up at the ceiling toward the direction of the sky I was drawn to look up and what I saw was a map of sorts. It was like a line diagram of the direction I and others were going. It was all up, like a pyramid diagram. The top ones were the older souls who had lived many lives and were getting steps closer toward being near the Creator himself; they were learning from their wrongs. They were understanding the lesson of life. It was the whole meaning of life. I wanted so much to be toward the huge ball of light I saw. It was so majestic and sacred. Tears formed in both eyes as I lifted my hands up toward the ceiling and began chanting, “Thank you, Thank you. I love you so much.”
Tears of joy and happiness were what I felt. It was the first time I ever felt and paid attention to my tears of forgiveness. I never knew there was such a thing until this morning. (Mind you as I wrote this sentence my computer clock has the time 11:11a.m.).
The date is January 23, 2017. This is a day to remember. The day I paid attention to the signs and messages. The day I acknowledged the tears of forgiveness.
I know now it is time to change my last name to Perez on my driver’s license.
Darrah J. Perez-Author, Poet, Filmmaker~
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