Tears of Forgiveness by Darrah J. Perez

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“Poetry is my friend, it defines who I am. Creator made me to be all that I am to become.”- Author, Poet, Filmmaker Darrah J. Perez

The most amazing experience happened to me today. I was taking a shower with deep thoughts on my mind. Thinking about if I was ready to change my last name to Perez on my driver’s license. I was thinking about all the things I had been through in he and I’s 2 years of marriage. I changed the name on my social security card but was reluctant to do the same for my license. Oh, and let me tell you the pressure I felt every time I went to the bank. “Do you have your new id yet? We need that document.” Or when I filled out my new W-2 form for this year, the same thing, “we need you to fill out this form with the name on your id.” So much pressure, for two years I wasn’t ready. Why were these people trying to rush me? I wanted them to slowly let me adjust.

I needed to know if I was readywas I ready to be confident in knowing I loved my husband and planned to be married to him for long as I shall live. I thought about the few times I had cheated on him. How many times I told him, “I don’t want this, I don’t like you.” My heart hurt because I had wronged him in our years together. Then I began thinking of my past ex’s, both male and female, and knew that I had been a bad person to them as well. Tears came to my eyes. I wanted forgiveness. I wanted this lifted off my heart, mind, and soul.

I began praying to the Creator of all these things, telling of how truly sorry I was for doing so many wrong things to so many people. With 37 years of life my journey has come far. I have encountered many people along my destiny and I say destiny because:

“When I was in the shower praying for forgiveness and naming each wrong I’ve done and to whom, I had a vision. Up at the ceiling toward the direction of the sky I was drawn to look up and what I saw was a map of sorts. It was like a line diagram of the direction I and others were going. It was all up, like a pyramid diagram. The top ones were the older souls who had lived many lives and were getting steps closer toward being near the Creator himself; they were learning from their wrongs. They were understanding the lesson of life. It was the whole meaning of life. I wanted so much to be toward the huge ball of light I saw. It was so majestic and sacred. Tears formed in both eyes as I lifted my hands up toward the ceiling and began chanting, “Thank you, Thank you. I love you so much.”

Tears of joy and happiness were what I felt. It was the first time I ever felt and paid attention to my tears of forgiveness. I never knew there was such a thing until this morning. (Mind you as I wrote this sentence my computer clock has the time 11:11a.m.).

The date is January 23, 2017. This is a day to remember. The day I paid attention to the signs and messages. The day I acknowledged the tears of forgiveness.

I know now it is time to change my last name to Perez on my driver’s license.


Darrah J. Perez-Author, Poet, Filmmaker~

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13 Responses to Tears of Forgiveness by Darrah J. Perez

  1. Neva Bodin says:

    Forgiving one’s self is often the hardest thing to do. I’m so glad you’ve found forgiveness and joy.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Mike Staton says:

    Inspirational post, Darrah. Very revealing of the struggles you’ve been through. And I enjoy reading your FB posts.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Wranglers says:

    Darrah, you have had great struggles, but forgiveness is cleansing. After we acknowledge our sins and we are forgiven, we need to set ourselves on the path to doing the right thing in your life. I pray that it all works out for you. Mrs. Perez. Cher’ley

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Nancy Jardine says:

    My best wishes for the next stages in your life, Darrah.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Doris says:

    Darrah, we all do the best we can at any moment in time. It’s not that we cannot do better, but growth comes from understanding and love. I’m glad you found yours. Doris

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Gayle Irwin says:

    Very special post, Darrah. Forgiving oneself, forgiving others, is always a journey, sometimes daily. Thank you for sharing this intimate post. I am joyful for you, Mrs. Perez! May you continue to find blessings and healing and help others along that path as well.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. S. J. Brown says:

    Thanks for sharing. Now it is time to forgive yourself Mrs Perez. Don’t forget to smile for the camera for your new Drivers License photo.

    Like

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