
Please forgive me. I’m so embarrassed. I just don’t know if I can actually write this post. I’ll do my very best. You see I have this peculiar fascination with ears – not with any old ears. Elf ears… the long pointed ones that project out from the heads of lady elves.
My admission is not something that makes me proud. I’d rather have a fascination with ice fishing or deep-sea diving. Spending way too much time looking at paintings of elven princesses sporting ears that nearly reach to the top of trees is an obsession that has nearly ruined my life.

I’ve never married. Who would want to marry a man who only desires exotic women with ears that look like Bowie knives? A human woman could never measure up.
Think about it. An elf wife could be my personal assassin thanks to those ears. She could enable me to rule the world. They obviously provide super-sensitive hearing that would augment her already mythical talent at stealth. That’s why I would want my wife’s name to be Stealth. Steel-like cartilage would turn them into daggers that could easily slice open a throat. A rival of mine thinks he’s going to have the premier one-night stand of his life, but instead learns that her kiss heralds his death.
Have you ever seen the ears of a male elf? They’re so embarrassingly small compared to the females. More like Star Trek’s Mr. Spock ears. They barely peek through thick, long hair. No wonder elven societies are matrilineal. The men can’t hear as well and they definitely can’t turn their ear tips into killer daggers. Their ears are only good for one thing – tickling the belly of their elven lover. Better than lips against female flesh.

Elven males are not really much use at all – except during war when they can walk point on patrol in a thick forest. Better that an elven man dies in an ambush than one of the females perishes. That’s why the females are longbow archers. With their stiletto ears, daggers holstered to their waists and their bows strapped to their backs, they are the fiercest warriors in all seven realms.
But I live on Earth, and there’s not an elven woman to be seen – not in 75,000 years. So I’m doomed to be womanless.

Wait… someone is motioning to me from across the room. Speak louder please. A dwarven woman? You’re right. I hear they have really beards. They’re short, no more than four-and-a-half feet tall, but that’s fine by me. Our babies would grow up to be ferocious warriors, especially if they sprout up to human height. There’s only one problem though… there’s no dwarves on Earth, again not in 75,000 years. Shoot… I’m out of luck!
# # #
I’m an author with four published novels that include a sword-and-sorcery fantasy trilogy – The Emperor’s Mistress, Thief’s Coin and Assassins’ Lair. The fourth novel is a historical romance set during the Civil War. It’s called Blessed Shadows Dark and Deep. I’ve begun writing my second Civil War novel – Deepening Homefront Shadows. All my novels can be purchased via the website of my publisher, Wings ePress, as well as the websites of Amazon and Barnes and Noble.
I had no idea. All these posts from you in the past and I don’t think you’ve revealed this secret before. Bravo for you! Enjoyed your post as always Mike! Surely you will find a female with big ears someday.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yep, I’ve been out searching for a portal to the Seven Realms. No luck so far, but I feel some good luck coming.
LikeLike
Good luck with finding someone with big ears. Look for someone who hops
LikeLike
Hops? Now that’s an idea I hadn’t considered.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Mike, this is cute, but seriously, you need help. Smile emoticon.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Help? So I’ve been told a few times in my life. I keep telling myself it’s creativity erupting like a volcano.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Mike, I had no idea. But I’m not surprised. You’re a writer…
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s what I keep telling myself… I’m a writer. Every now and then I have to get out my novels and my newspaper byline clippings to remind myself. Lol.
LikeLike
I never really paid much attention to ears. While you are searching keep in mind those ears you are seeking maybe hidden by their owner. I am sure she has interacted with men who do not share your passion. But keep looking she is out there somewhere.
LikeLike
Good observation. I figure if elf women walk this earth, they sure don’t want humans to know it.
LikeLike
Love this Mike, what an imagination. You kept me entertained. Loved the pictures too. Thanks for lifting my spirit today. Cher’ley
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Cherley. Glad I checked in to see if there were any new comments. I’ve been kind of out of it with a super-bad cold but I’m feeling better finally.
LikeLike
Although I have to say I have never heard of this particular obsession, I don’t think it is a bad thing. My daughter is obsessed with J. R. R. Tolkien, all things Elvin, English History etc. This has been going on for years – She is a librarian who wore hairy hobbit feet on certain occasions. So, for me anyway, I understand your “ear” obsession. You would never know from your writing of your secret obsession –if you have a secret pair at home – just don’t wear them out of the house and don’t give any as gifts to your female friends –
LikeLike
sexy elf girls
LikeLike